History repeats itself - I am watching Russian tanks going deep into Ukraine on a youtube stream near NOVA KAKHOVKA on Р-47 road

russian tanks into ukraine stream on youtube

I am debating with myself the moral issue of watching a terrible tragedy of an invasion on youtube. I am trying to reason with myself what right do I have and on what ground do I stand morally, as an artist, as an American and as a citizen of the world. What is even more crazy is that there is the usual chat on the livestream where kids from all over the world offer their real life commentary and count the tanks and armored vehicles on the screen. I can’t believe my eyes. But I want to remember for the future, for when I talk to my representatives in Congress on what we owe to the world.

The column of tanks stopped moving and then now just started again

My grandfather who was an enemy of the communist state watched Russians kill his friends who as communist invaders occupied Bulgaria. My aunt used to tell me the story of my grandfather who watched the muzzle flashes of the invading communists, shooting people all night from the terrace of his house, smoking cigarettes all night.

Grandpa was told late that night that his life would be spared because of a friendly lawyer who intervened on his behalf.

The communist regime was allowed to ruin the lives of generations of Europeans as the West watched

Many people were never able to realize creatively during their lifetime due to the communist regime in Bulgaria. My grandfather was one of those people, in my opinion a genius, an architect, a painter, a humorist, and a caricaturist, I used to copy his paintings in pastel when I was little. His name is Marin and I was named after him.

He was a very successful businessman, and when the communist regime invaded they confiscated his house and all his property. Him and my grandma were only allowed to live in two rooms in the house and they had a live-in communist with them for 20 years.

Growing up nobody ever talked about it, nobody ever told me what's happening. I was 18 years old when the Berlin Wall fell and I moved to the states not knowing anything about the history of my family or who my grandfather was. On my occasional returns to Bulgaria I was able to glimpse my grandparents history and my grandfather's history and I was told stories by my aunt.

My aunt says that my grandfather was about to be shot because they were shooting everyone who was considered an enemy but he was saved by a friendly lawyer. Basically before the Soviet occupation this lawyer, a friend of my grandfather’s, was sent to prison and my grandfather took care of his family while he was in prison. After the Soviet occupation it turned out that the lawyer was high up in the communist hierarchy. So a person was sent to my grandfather's house to tell them that he's going to be safe and that he's not going to be shot. My aunt told me that my grandfather spent the entire night on the terrace of his house chain smoking cigarettes and looking down into the valley where there were shots and muzzles flashing, basically a series of night executions.

My grandfather passed when I was 16 due to complications they said from the Chernobyl disaster.

When I go back to Bulgaria I try to photograph and keep a visual archive of my grandfather's work. Unfortunately my aunt passed in 2019 and afterwards my mom was overtaken by dementia and the memories may get lost forever. My mom also started destroying photographs and documents from the past due to dementia. It has been harder during covid.

There are many documents which I've seen with my own eyes from years ago from the archives at City Hall in my hometown. These documents pertain to various activities of my grandfather. I remember one slip of paper saying that my grandfather was a hidden enemy of the state, this was anonymous. I want to find and photograph these documents that may be lost forever.

My grandfather was also a godfather to Bulgarian king and I found a city hall minutes from a meeting where my grandfather wanted to give the Bulgarian king the town’s historical fortress. And everybody's like what are you doing Marin, this belongs to Bulgaria we can't give it to the king. He was kind of a royalist.

I've included a photograph of him where he had a business meeting in Sofia and he couldn't find a babysitter for my aunt and so there is a picture of 38 businessmen and my aunt in 1938 in the restaurant.

Grandpa - to the right of the little girl, my aunt. Sofia, 1938.

My grandfather had beautiful handwriting, absolutely magnificent, I occasionally encountered small pieces of paper written by him.

There’s a beautiful letter which my grandfather wrote to my grandma, on his company's letterhead.

My grandfather used to listen to the BBC and the voice of America during communist times. And because authorities knew that he was one of the enemies, people came and put seals on the knobs on his radio so he couldn't listen to Western stations.

My brother knew all about these listening parties because he was in on it because he was much older 10 years older than me but I was never allowed to listen because I could tell at school.

After the establishment of the communist regime in Bulgaria My grandfather was sent to a labor camp and after his return he was never allowed to work. He was told that he should be glad he was allowed to live. So he never worked and did small jobs like modeling for the art academy for portraits.