2020 and My Covid Diary
2020 has been completely incredible in that, it may sound strange, but I'm glad, I got Covid early on - around the end of March - it really freed up the rest of my year so I could work and not be worried as much. Around April 20th I wrote the account of my Covid experience in my notebook and here it is completely unaltered, it's only commas and the occasional grammar thing here and there.
Some of you might know or of course, probably don't know - I'm estranged from my family, I talk to my dad occasionally but often that stops.
After I completed my lockdown experience I took a little time off from New York for about 20 days and then I came back to work for the Census Bureau. I knew that to finance all the work that's coming up and especially having to ask others to contribute I should be the one to contribute first. I also decided to give up alcohol at least for a few years until what I think is essential work gets done.
Anyway working for the Census Bureau was profitable but incredibly intense. One of the reasons I decided to do it is exactly because it was extremely intense, the type of work which is almost like a door to door salesman but with quite a lot of personal questions that I was supposed to ask people of all walks of life.
I got a government-issued phone, government-issued hand sanitizer which smelled like brandy so when I used it I smelled like I had just gotten off a feast, and masks. I would get about 100 addresses a day loaded onto my government-issued phone and I would get up in the morning and start knocking on doors.
After a couple of months of this, I was a part of the SBE operation which is counting the homeless people at soup kitchens and other places where people without a home tend to sleep overnight.
So it was the kind of thing where in the morning I would go and knock on doors at the $4 million condos in Manhattan's Chelsea neighborhood, and then I would go into a tall building and go all the way up the elevator with nanotechnology buttons that is self-cleaning, accompanied by a company concierge and I will go up to the penthouses and knock on the doors of the 30 million dollar apartments. The next day I would go to the New York City Housing Authority and interview people in all kinds of situations, and then the next day I would be at the soup kitchen interviewing people standing in line.
After a couple of months of this, I was sent to rural Georgia, there for about 10 days I drove around and interviewed from the wealthiest neighborhoods to the most humble trailer parks. I remember almost every single person I met on this trip.
I have to say that I've had an action movie worth of experiences while working for the Census Bureau, I met insane circumstances in which people lived and every day I was reminded of how special it is to be a part of The human experience. We are very very fragile.
My story of Covid and The Lockdown in Manhattan
Today is April 20th. I am at the studio of a friend. I am near Hudson River Park in Manhattan. He is a good friend. He left for upstate New York March 21st. I have been alone at the studio ever since. I did a performance at the Armory Show March 8th. After that, the world started shutting down.
Strangely enough, except for the masks, the park feels almost normal.
On March 31st I became sick with the flu. On April 1st I was having trouble breathing. I decided to go to the emergency room. I packed a bag
(I packed a bag as if I were going to be intubated and won't come back – Author’s Note from Aug 13 2020).
But before that, I looked up on Google an emergency room I can go to. I picked Mount Sinai Beth Israel near 17th Street and 1st avenue
(at the time I thought that if I were to die better try it at the best hospital in town. The funny thing is that months later I met a nurse from Beth Israel during one of my installations in Central Park. She said that the main people at the hospital are business people but the doctors and nurses are great. I decided that if I ever get rich I will give a gift to the hospital right now I don't have anything, and I can't pay - Author’s Note from Aug 13 2020).
I started packing my bag around 6pm but because of worry and confusion couldn't leave until around 8pm.
I was also on Facebook messenger with my dad, and I was crying. My dad is 80 years old and around 6 thousand miles away and staying home. As I write this he has been home almost 40 days.
(Author’s Note - as of August 13th he hasn't yet left home except to throw out the trash. Author’s Note - on Aug 17, today, is his birthday and he said he wanted to wait until after he is 82).
After I completed my performance on March 8th the world and New York city started shutting down. First they closed the Public Library. Then they closed the Apple Store. My regular haunts for high speed internet. I went to Starbucks and as I was sitting they started taking away the tables. Then they closed all Starbucks. Then they closed my gym.
At this point, I had decided to leave New York and ride out the storm at my grandparents’ house in Bulgaria, which I also converted to a studio.
My plane tickets were for March 27th. The week leading up to my flight they started shutting borders, airports, and grounding airlines. Both my airlines canceled my flights that week.
Leading up to the moment of going to the hospital I did not know what to think. In my mind, I was leaning towards a conspiracy. I forgot the conspiracy once I started having difficulty breathing. I still don't know what to think.
Once I found out I’d have to ride out in the studio of my friend, I decided to use my time to paint. I had been thinking of making giant hands paintings and started on that.
Once another friend recommended to me to try He Shou Wu, a Chinese herb. I found the He Shou Wu in my storage and brought it to the studio and started taking it.
He Shou Wu is not really a drug. I would describe its effect as anti-depression. But it doesn't make you in any way high. I actually dislike being high, I prefer my brain intact.
I started painting and felt okay up until the point of starting to come down with the flu and having difficulty breathing.
A few days prior I went to a friend's apartment to take a shower and maybe got the bug there.
Here at the studio if I were to stay overnight - it is illegal as it is a commercial space. And there is no shower. But I tried to make myself as inconspicuous as possible and only leave to get food.
As it stands now I have been in virtual isolation for a month.
When I made my bag ready for the emergency room I left the building and started towards the hospital. The city was quiet and eerily empty. As I was walking a few homeless people approached me, and also there were a few people walking their dogs. I took the 14th street and no one was around.
As I was reflecting back on my experience I realized to what degree the feeling of the empty city, the scenes at the hospital, resembled all the Hollywood movies I had watched. As if all the Hollywood directors had gone to the future, came back, and made their movies.
As I was approaching the hospital I was full-on bawling. I saw the glowing sign on top of a tall building Mount Sinai Beth Israel.
There was a big sign pointing to the emergency room. In front of it, EMT’s were lowering a person from the ambulance. At the entrance of the emergency room, I was greeted by a man who directed me towards a tent. At the tent inside were people with full protective gear, just like in all the Hollywood movies you have seen. I was asked to put on a surgical mask and wash my hands at the hand sanitizing station. (Author’s Note - I kept the mask in a plastic bag as a memento) I still as of yesterday wear that mask whenever I go outside, although it has been 14 days since I recovered.
When I walked inside the tent, already masked and cleaned, they took my temperature and oxygen and asked me about my symptoms. I told them I feel unwell and have difficulty breathing. They told me my oxygen is okay and I should proceed inside the emergency room. I was directed inside and taken by a man deep in the bowels of the emergency room and was directed to sit on a chair in a room full of nursing staff. Everyone seemed masked, gloved, with goggles and protective gowns. Another man was waiting also one chair over.
Later on, turned out the man head pneumonia I heard the doctor say. To my shame when the nurses started asking me questions, I broke down crying.
I was subjected to a well oiled and well organized medical machine and I was impressed. After the nurses took my information, my blood pressure and temperature, I waited for the doctor. The doctor came and we spoke, I told him my symptoms and he ordered EKG and an x-ray. Special staff came rolling an EKG and a giant X-ray machine on wheels and took my pictures.
At this point, I had stopped crying and was very hopeful seeing that everyone was on top of things. My dad was waiting on Facebook Messenger for the news from the test. I was waiting for the doctor to tell me the results.
The doctor came and it was good news. The x-ray was clear and although the virus was suspected I was not tested as I was not severely ill.
The next week I spent battling the flu and my tears with home remedies, horse doses of vitamin C, inhalations with vinegar, boiling vinegar around the room, gargling with vinegar, gallons and gallons of chamomile tea, sucking on Swiss made lozenges.
My breathing improved on the third day. I was very anxious on the 6th day – as if in a biblical scheme I had read people turn for the worse on the 7th day.
On the 7th day, I felt better and the hospital called. I told them I'm better and thanked them profusely.
Sometime around the beginning of April, I stopped reading the news. I only painted, watched Winnie the Pooh videos on YouTube, and talked to my dad.
In a few days, however, the virus returned this time in other parts of my body and with weird shivering chills. I ran two heaters to try and warm up and wore all my clothes. In a few days, I felt better again and the second set of 7 days was gone and I felt better and almost 100%.
In this studio, I continue the complete isolation from news and people. And I only leave fully masked and gloved to get food, and I started writing essays and plan work. I occasionally dance in the bathroom with my earbuds on - there is a big mirror there. I'm pretty sure I'm alone in the entire building. As a work alone in the studio I can hear the rolling containers of the cleaning guy who comes to clean the bathrooms every day. I of course try to avoid him and keep a very low profile. But he was gone for a week and now that he's back is very reassuring, almost comforting to hear the sound of normality.
I washed my hair in the sink and realized that after all - this is what they do at hair salons anyway.
Just started using baby wipes to paint. Also started peeling the hands. I don't know what happens when you start peeling hands. Baby wipes make great Dali.
Dusk falls onto the city outside and comes into the studio.
